Sunday, 25 April 2021

Necropolitans, episode 14: Blood of various ages

Anyone who listened to the podcast earlier may be confused to see this post change. This is due to me unearthing several missing recordings that I hadn't even realised were missing (due to doing all the audio editing retrospectively).

In this episode, the party discusses (of course) arson as a cannibal-distraction strategy, and Makoa imitates a skeleton with unremarkable ease. The vicious barbarians of the Shiv get to see how they line up against Geigor; lucky them. Overconfidence finally encounters statistics with a distressing splat as we see our first PC re-death; it won't be the last. And there's a monkey. Find out more, in Episode 014: Blood of various ages

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes
  4. Episode 007: Screaming blue murder from his waist (start of the Castaways arc of the adventure)

Friday, 23 April 2021

Hell's Rebels: episode 20, It's like Casper the Friendly Ghost

In this twentieth episode, sometimes it's hard to be spooky.

Pathfinder Adventure Path: Hell's Rebels Part 1 - In Hell's Bright ...

Relations with our patron become somewhat soured when we point out that he is criticising us without doing anything whatsoever to improve matters himself (that'll happen). We engage in budget Hallowe'en shenanigans and lie abundantly. All good fun between enemies.

Part twenty of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 020: It's like Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
  3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
  4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
  5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
  6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
  7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
  8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
  9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
  10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
  11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
  12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
  13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player
  14. Episode 013: Ego Shattered!
  15. Episode 014: Whipping up an alligator stew
  16. Episode 015: Sewer brings back bad memories
  17. Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it
  18. Episode 017: NOW she's a ghost
  19. Episode 018: A lot of f*cking birdseed
  20. Episode 019: Real things said by real people
  21. Episode 020: It's like Casper the Friendly Ghost

Thursday, 22 April 2021

Cheap and Nasty 2: Damn Big Heroes

Cheap and Nasty 2

“Low-cost, effective tricks to keep your lair hero-free!”

Despot reveals shocking secrets to erasing adventurers! Henchmen hate her!

Have you a lair that is plagued with bothersome heroes? Can't take a nap without a howling barbarian trying to bisect your torso? Treasury depleted by the depredations of ravening rogues, money-grubbing mages, and tediously commercial Lawful Evil clerics capable of casting Resurrection for you? This irregular column aims to help you find affordable solutions to your PC Problems.

What the Adventurers Bring

The obvious answer, of course, is "pointy things". Or possibly "serious inconvenience." More practical overlords might say "a dozen pack mules, rope and ten-foot poles". A handful - an unfortunate handful - will flinch, mutter only "butter", and slink back into the shadows to dwell on past horrors.

On a global level, we villains are the movers and shakers. We unleash machinations, plots and legions of blighted echinoids wielding halberds of thrice-forged sorrow; others try to foil them. We are the inevitability of change, and others - the adventurers in particular - are the status quo.

In a lair environment, however, that situation is reversed. You dwell comfortably in your citadel, tomb or volcano, supported by a team of loyal minions; adventurers enter the lair and interfere. Thus, what they primarily bring is change.

On a more practical level, adventurers are also equipped with all manner of ropes, poles, caltrops, enchanted swords, boots, rations and so forth, not to mention thousands of gold pieces. All of these can be recycled for your own purposes. Indeed, one of the most successful business models for the modern lair is built around that principle.

Finally, adventurers often differ from your own minions in key ways. With careful design and policy, you can exploit these differences to hamper and harm the adventurers at minimal cost.

Size Matters

For the cruel kobold queen or the gnomish gnecromancer, a party of adventurers is likely to tower above your minions, holding them off with superior reach and raining down powerful blows. While that height is usually an advantage, with careful planning you can turn it into a serious hindrance.

Tiny Tunnels

The most straightforward approach is architectural: simply construct your lair to fit your henchmen. Few elves enjoy crawling through extensive tunnels on hands and knees, and it's hard to make use of a 6' longbow in passages 4' across. This method has the advantage of being cheap, since it usually involves less work than constructing on a larger scale, and uses less materials.

On the downside, it's hard to establish a serious reputation without echoing halls to expound your dreadful plans, and low-hanging ceilings give far less scope for giant spiders to descend on the unwary heroes. In addition, this tactic can be too effective, giving adventurers strong motivation to mitigate their disadvantage by means of shrinking magic. If they'll always be severely penalized by their size, the downsides of being shrunk may still be outweighed by removing this environmental disadvantage.

You can reduce this risk by limiting corridor size only at pinch points. Doorways and crossroads are an obvious choice; not only are these strategically important, but your minions will find it easier to handle doors sized for them.*

*Remember, an evil environment can be an ergonomic evil environment! RSI and workplace injuries can seriously reduce the effectiveness of your evil hordes, and awkward equipment greatly increases the chance that employees avoid using it at all. By ensuring your fixtures, fittings and machinery are designed with ergonomics in mind, you can keep your team healthy and ensure that loyal long-term minions aren't forced out through age or disability.

Don't see concern for your minions as a sign of weakness or insufficient evil. The evil philosophy embraces a wide variety of attitudes without judgement (that's a Paladin thing). Sure, some of us view minions as disposable fodder and potential sacrifices to dark gods. Some regard their followers with a fierce, jealous love that doesn't extend to any other beings, and are prepared to do anything for their benefit. Others view themselves not as tyrannical despots, but as simply an evil leader amongst an evil team. Still others care deeply for their minions as a by-product of concern for the smooth running of our despicable realms, and consider their welfare as a vital part of the wider evil picture.

Exit Strategies

Another way to exploit size is that your diminutive troops can get out of tight places far more quickly than bulky adventurers. A tunnel that your skulking minions can run through is a crawl for an elf - a crucial distinction when that tunnel is rapidly filling with water, smoke, or bees.

Consider also the Emergency Exit. When slavering wargoats are charging full-tilt after the adventurers, they will tend to hurl themselves at the convenient human-sized door marked Exit PUSH. Ensure the top and outer part is affixed to a solid stone wall, while the lower section includes a handy flap for kobolds to slip through unhindered. The additional cost of an oversized door is minimal.

Barn door - geograph.org.uk - 412063

Watch your Head

A more subtle approach is to exploit adventurer height at crucial moments, in order to catch them off-guard.

Construct a long, narrow bridge with no handrails across a chasm.* At the inner end, establish a guard post equipped with bows or slings to defend the bridge (as well as defensible walls, seats, and hydration stations). When adventurers reach the bridge, they will typically hurry forward to engage your guards. This is an excellent opportunity to place beams, wires or spider-webs 5ft. above the ground, where they can clonk hasty humans across the forehead at inopportune moments. The costs are negligible, especially where beams and wires are structural elements.

Villains with a flair for deception and engineering should consider building the bridge to seem as rickety as possible, adding patches of fake 'slime' to make it seem treacherous underfoot. This encourages adventurers to watch their feet as they cross, instead of looking up. A simple minor image or even prestidigitation can do this in a pinch. On plank bridges, attach prominent bells to some of the planks; unlike tripwires, these don't pose any hazard to your minions, but sneaking adventurers will tend to watch out for them and miss the cheesewire at ear-height.

For a premium experience, install invisible bars or force-beams, so the adventurers can't even see what's about to clothesline them.

*While bottomless pits, spikes and flames are traditional, a sufficiently high-walled swimming pool or ball pit will contain heroes just as effectively, while keeping minion attrition low.** Moreover, these can double as recreation facilities for your minions - and yourself!***.

**Modern malevological approaches reject the archaic thinking that pays no heed to minion welfare. Aside from purely pragmatic considerations of training and recruitment costs, knowledge attrition within your evil organization is a real threat to long-term survivability. A safe workplace builds minions' confidence in your leadership, improving retention of experienced minions and team spirit. Indeed, the advantages of 'soft' benefits (such as flexible working hours, on-the-clock fitness opportunities, and not falling into death-traps due to a momentary oversight) are particularly valuable to the low-budget villain unable to compete in purely monetary terms.

***While we fully support non-hierarchical teambuilding opportunities, please remain aware of workplace dynamics and avoid placing yourself in any situation that could be seen as harassing your minions, outside of contractually-agreed intimidation. Tracing another's bare, muscular abs with your spiked gauntlets while purring "I like a man with spirit" is best reserved for captured heroes.

A useful variant of this technique is the staircase. Construct spiral stairs and have your minions guard the top, rolling boulders or necromatically-empowered skulls down to assail the incoming adventurers. Hang tasteful curtains of beads, feathers, bells, seaweed, teeth or sea urchins* high enough that they will strike tall adventurers in the face, encouraging them to close their eyes. As an additional benefit, the poor housekeeping typical of evil lairs will encourage dust to settle in these devices, making them even more effective at blinding your adversaries. In many environments, unpleasant dangly things will grow without any particular effort or cost on your part.

*Spider-webs can serve the same purpose, and many minions enjoy cultivating spiders as a relaxing hobby or competitive sport. You can increase loyalty by offering the underside of your staircases as fertile ground for spider-raising, while inconveniencing invading do-gooders. Consider monthly prizes for the densest or most adhesive webs, or breeding new species that produce poison-infused silks. In damper lairs, try fungi or sea urchins for a similar effect. Not only will this be cost-effective, but your minions have personal motivation to maintain the defences, as well as professional motivation..

For staircases you expect adventurers to descent, stronger methods are available. The combination of height, stance and speed when descending a staircase means heads are closer to the ceiling than when ascending. Here, hang weights, or place invisible blocks halfway down where they can stun an unwary trespasser and cause them to fall down the stairs.

Sunday, 11 April 2021

Necropolitans: episode 13, We can take the boss, we're second level

Overconfidence continues to be a theme (with some justification) in Episode 013: We can take the boss, we're second level. Annoyingly, Makoa (Ollie) is still not showing up on the recordings. This will change in a few episodes, but for now just imagine he's extremely articulate and funny. Cannibalism emerges into the episode with a sort of disappointing 'splurk', perhaps losing enthusiasm on realising just how already dead these potential victims are. Or maybe it's the liver-stabbing.

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes
  4. Episode 007: Screaming blue murder from his waist (start of the Castaways arc of the adventure)

Necropolitans: episode 12, Observe! I will be totally aaaagh

Overconfidence could get you killed, if you weren't already dead, in Episode 012: Observe! I will be totally aaaagh. Will's habit of memorable phrases comes back to bite him, or at least his character, with the debut of another Horrible Monster from my list. The players also demonstrate an uncanny knack for avoiding all the intermediate events and locations and heading directly for the most dangerous thing on the island, for the second campaign in a row (but this one isn't my fault).

The reference to "developing fruit classes" is naturally talking about Fruits of the Spirit.

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes
  4. Episode 007: Screaming blue murder from his waist (start of the Castaways arc of the adventure)

Necropolitans, episode 011: These crabs know advanced tactics!

Additional undeading is here! Here's Episode 011: These crabs know advanced tactics

I'm going to assume the presence of crabs in this episode will not be a surprise. The [redacted] might be.

In this episode I initiate a Sulk Counter for Iris. This sort of fizzles out later, but I did plan to make an achievement feat with it where if she completely flubbed a turn, she could compensate a bit through sheer frustration - either a reroll or a bonus on the next turn.

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes
  4. Episode 007: Screaming blue murder from his waist (start of the Castaways arc of the adventure)

Tuesday, 6 April 2021

Necropolitans, episode 010: The classic ‘Ta-da!’ position

My attempt to push out our old episodes at a fast clip continues... Here's Episode 010: The classic ‘Ta-da!’ position

The party discuss the minutiate of cuisine with the living (and rather bemused) crew, battle terrifying undead, and explore the island more. Sadly Ollie is still not appearing on recordings, so I apologise for the confusing part where we're talking to someone only we can hear. I have it on reasonable authority that he's not an extradimensional entity but I reserve judgement.

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes
  4. Episode 007: Screaming blue murder from his waist (start of the Castaways arc of the adventure)

Necropolitans: episode 009, Well, isn't that dandy!

The undead Pathfinder campaign continues with Episode 009: Well, isn't that dandy. Terrible nightmares, disease, uncomfortable climate, biting insects and venomous snakes entirely fail to plague the party of loathsome undead, as they blithely wander through the jungle in search of, well, anything.

A bonus point to anyone who can identify That Bird before I explain its origins. This is just one of the many entries on the GM's List of Horrible Monsters, mostly prompted by offhand comments from Nathan or Will.

During this chapter, several people unfortunately had to drop out of the campaign due to pressure of work. Jordan (Sunny), Ada (Matthias), and eventually Will (Geigor and Rattles). We continue with a reduced party, but don't worry, it will soon be expanded by the party's irresistible urge to collect waifs and strays.

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes
  4. Episode 007: Screaming blue murder from his waist (start of the Castaways arc of the adventure)

Thursday, 1 April 2021

Hell's Rebels, part 19, real things said by real people

Nineteen episodes? Somehow.

Pathfinder Adventure Path: Hell's Rebels Part 1 - In Hell's Bright ...

The party negotiate ill-naturedly with a devil, and go into the salt trade.

Part nineteen of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 019: Real things said by real people.

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
  3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
  4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
  5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
  6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
  7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
  8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
  9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
  10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
  11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
  12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
  13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player
  14. Episode 013: Ego Shattered!
  15. Episode 014: Whipping up an alligator stew
  16. Episode 015: Sewer brings back bad memories
  17. Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it
  18. Episode 017: NOW she's a ghost
  19. Episode 018: A lot of f*cking birdseed
  20. Episode 019: Real things said by real people

Necropolitans, episode 008: It's a rare genetic condition

The undead Pathfinder campaign continues with Episode 008: It’s a rare genetic condition. The party fend off an assortment of clawed whatsits that scuttle out of the surf, rescuing other survivors of the wreck in the process.

During this chapter, several people unfortunately had to drop out of the campaign due to pressure of work. Jordan (Sunny), Ada (Matthias), and eventually Will (Geigor and Rattles). We continue with a reduced party, but don't worry, it will soon be expanded by the party's irresistible urge to collect waifs and strays.

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes
  4. Episode 007: Screaming blue murder from his waist (start of the Castaways arc of the adventure)

Wednesday, 31 March 2021

Necropolitans: episode 007, Screaming blue murder from his waist

Here's the next tranche of our undead Pathfinder campaign! The prelude is over, and the real campaign begins. The logistics of an undead expedition to a remote island are vaguely lampshaded. The best-laid plans of necromancers and evil mages gang agley on at least this specific occasion. The first of many Lovecraft references makes its appearance in this story, but I'm not sure any of the players noticed - and I should admit that at this point I hadn't the faintest idea of how all this was eventually going to end up.

Having delved into the depths of Firetop Mountain, encountered an unexpected necromancer and been reforged as hideous undead servitors, the unfortunate adventurers find themselves cast loose on a tropical island, on an unspecified quest for a celestial agent that doesn't seem to want to tell them anything.

This chapter of the campaign is sort of endearingly unchallenging for a party of undead. It's focused on survival and the dangers of the tropical island, with its rampant disease (um), venomous vermin (er) and exhausting climate (whoops), with a side-order of - get this - terrifying undead.

During this chapter, several people unfortunately had to drop out of the campaign due to pressure of work. Jordan (Sunny), Ada (Matthias), and eventually Will (Geigor and Rattles). We continue with a reduced party, but don't worry, it will soon be expanded by the party's irresistible urge to collect waifs and strays.

Oh, the "powerful fates which were cut short" thing? It comes up again when the party get their fortunes told, a long time later. I did in fact plan the destinies (and dooms) which hovered over each PC and watch to see how their actions might influence that. It's all stuff from their backstories and personalities - for example, it's probably not hard to guess how an impulsive wizard with a craving for recognition might end up.

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes

Friday, 26 March 2021

Necropolitans, episode 006: Maze of the Brian-otaur

Observe our heroes heroically conquer the infamous Firetop Mountain, former home of the long-dead Zagor the-

-just a moment, one of my bards has just handed me a scroll of parchment-

-oh. Oh I see.

To shreds, you say.

Episode 006: Maze of the Brian-otaur

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes

Necropolitans, episode 005: Are you sure you're a barbarian?

It is the fifth episode. Makoa is under a curse that renders him inaudible to you, the listener (which is to say, Weird Audio Stuff happened). Nobody questions how an old ferryman makes his living in an abandoned dungeon, and neither should you. Episode 005: Are you sure you're a barbarian?

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes

Necropolitans: Episode 004

It's a dungeon, so spiders were inevitable, and here they are. Foot-removal as an anti-curse technique is discussed, and they get their first glimpse of the vile and certainly long-deceased Zagor, in Episode 004: That one was completely harmless!

Those other portraits will probably not be relevant to this campaign.

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes

Necropolitans: Episode 003

More undead shenanigans. The party finds an unfortunate wretch of a prisoner, give an impromptu ploughing lecture, and obtain barbering. There is also fighting. Episode 003: One does not simply walk through More Doors

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes

Necropolitans: Episode 002: I'm going to keep saying yes until I don't fall in the big hole

Drawn together by fate and a somewhat shaky campaign premise ("It's Serpent's Skull, but with more skulls"), an ill-assorted and quarrelsome group of PCs venture into Firetop Mountain, once lair of the dread sorcerer Zagor, but that was a long time ago and everyone says he's dead. Surely, only un-ransacked treasures await the party in Episode 002: I'm going to keep saying yes until I don't fall in the big hole? They do also acquire a mouse. This is, in hindsight, foreshadowing.

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes

Thursday, 25 March 2021

Necropolitans, episode 001: a grave beginning!

I am both proud and terrified to present the audio for the first ever campaign I have run, and the third I have been involved in at all, beginning with I think the fourth session of Pathfinder I have ever run. Every person playing in the campaign is vastly more experienced than me in the system. We started on a tabletop recorder, switched to Ventrilo which inexplicably hated Ollie and refused to record him, and only then moved on to Discord as used in our Hell's Rebels campaign.

Be kind, is what I'm asking.

(No, that isn't supposed to be a Scottish accent. It is, specifically, a Dwarvish accent.)

For this section of the campaign, I planned to use the Luck rules from the 3.5 Firetop Mountain conversion. I had the players generate Luck pools, but then largely failed to use them at all. Also, they basically walked right over everything in their path, despite having all dumped CON to the absolute minimum, leaving them liable to death at the hands of a papercut.

You'll hear Will refer to Geigor's special abilities at various points. We put together a homebrew barbarian archetype to replicate a Khorne Berserker - something that may sound oddly familiar.

As there is a lot of backlog to work through, I'm going to post the early episodes a few at a time until I catch up with my own editing (and hopefully encourage people to stick with the rough early episodes before I was confident in what I was doing).

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Character Generation
  3. Master list of episodes

Wednesday, 24 March 2021

Necropolitans: about the campaign

It started, as so many things do, with Nathan's character dying.

Me: 'Next character idea: I'll raise you from the dead. You play the skeletal version of yourself, wearing a rubber mask and a hooded cloak.  We just need a way to give you sentience again.' A few days later: 'So, if hypothetically someone was running a campaign where you get turned into undead (so normal classes, then racial undead classes, then back to normal), what undead would you want to be?'

I think this was where the idea first came to me. It's a little hazy now. Perhaps it came in a dream, a midnight whisper from some half-forgotten god. Perhaps Gef the Mongoose, or his successor, paid a visit from the ancestral Isle to bring this fragment of madness.

Preamble

The premise of the campaign is simple. What if you ran a classic Pathfinder adventure path, and killed the entire party at 1st level… then raised them as friendly, well-meaning undead and continued the adventure? This would definitely be a simple exercise, and was entirely appropriate for my very first attempt to run a campaign in any RPG.

That was almost four years ago. We're still going.

Overview

A classic band of mismatched heroes travel to a long-abandoned dungeon for reasons of their own. They expect a short journey, a few hapless goblins, and a fistful of coin. They definitely don’t expect to be caught up in a sinister web of global evil. Shadowy villains conspire to revive a long-dead god. Ancient secrets are buried in forgotten cities. Undead walk the land. Alien forces hunger beyond the sight of mortals. Wizards seek to perform rituals of terrible power. You can’t move for incongruous talking animals. And only some of those things are the player characters.

Welcome to Necropolitans

For quite a while, after Arthur kindly got me a signed copy of The Warlock of Firetop Mountain, I'd been wanting to do something with it in D&D. It was only after much, painful effort that I discovered someone had already done a D&D conversion of it! Perfect. This would make for a decent introductory segment, the kind of basic adventure that hapless beginners jovially embark on. Plus it canonically had a good chance of killing you! Just what I needed.

So the plan was simple. The players would put together characters designed specifically to come to a gruesome end in Firetop Mountain. Through the evil machinations of Zagor (who must surely be a necromancer, given the number of undead in that gamebook) they will be raised as unliving servitors to his will. Mwahaha, haha, ha.

After their crushing defeat in Firetop Mountain, they would go on to one of Paizo's published adventure paths, as Nathan suggested. There was a lot of debate about this (the others had played, and still have played, many more than I have) but in the end we settled on Serpent's Skull. People mentioned it was rather linear in places, but that didn't seem too bad a choice for my first campaign - plus, we decided that the added interest of being undead would potentially perk up the weaker parts.

Now, obviously fusing together two completely unrelated games - not merely different systems, but different game worlds entirely - meant some adaptation was needed. There would now be a necromancer involved in Serpent's Skull, specifically, joining the passengers on board the ship. What is he doing there and what is his connection to the serpent folk? Surely a powerful necromancer and a powerful cleric would have some suspicion of each other. A logical idea is that there’s an agreement of some kind between them, though probably a treacherous one.

Also, reading through online sources, it sounds as though the first book of the campaign doesn’t have very strong connections to the overall arc, and mostly serves as a sandbox which is supposed to give PCs the name of a lost city. The intention is that they go to investigate it, but it’s not a particularly strong motivation, to be honest. I mean, it’s an adventure and they’ll get money from it, but it’s not very strongly tied to what’s already happened.

But our party are unwilling undead. And Zura is a demon of vampirism. Ydersius is a deity of snakes and war, chaotic evil, who lives on despite his beheading.

Anubis, on the other hand, is a lawful deity of death and protection. The Osirion nation also has particular talents for necromantic and anti-necromantic magic… He is probably opposed to chaotic evil not-properly-dead snake gods, who offend his sense of morality, order, and thanatological tidiness.

So let’s say our necromancer has been approached by another mage, and informed of a plan to seek out an island where there is a lost Azlanti temple to Zura. Naturally, this is of interest, and even more so when she hints that the temple may point the way to other places of hidden and forbidden secrets. They don’t particularly trust each other though. She, meanwhile, thinks the necromancer will be useful in dealing with the powerful undead she knows to haunt the island; she’s fairly confident of her ability to cope, but an ally is still useful.

A convenient deus ex machina linked to Anubis will shipwreck them all on the island, free them from Zagor's necromantic control, and give them a reason to set about adventuring and embark on the first stages of the Serpent's Skull campaign. From there on, we can run it as a pretty straightforward adventure path with the twist of being undead.

Oh young and foolish Past Me... how naive.

That was three years ago, we're still going, and they just hit 11th level. They have encountered a species extinct for millennia, travelled inside the mind of an insane wizard and met time travellers. I have changed the way undead PCs work twice (sorry folks).

Soon I hope to start releasing audio from the early sessions. They are, I have to warn you, rougher than the Hell's Rebels - I had less practice recording, and the early games were on Vent which recorded a lot less smoothly than Discord has been.

Friday, 19 March 2021

Pathfinder: Now your character can be fruit

I've just realised that in a massive oversight, I've forgotten to write about what is undoubtedly going to be the next big thing in gaming, a concept that will rock the dice-rolling world. Which is to say, the supplement I wrote about playable fruit classes for Pathfinder.

Obviously, this inexplicably-neglected area is just ripe for exploitation. I expect to see my efforts bearing considerable fruit in the near future, and have already begun planning the development of my gaming empire, once I secure the necessary seed funding. Having got the jump on the rest of the bunch, I hope to peel away into an unassailable lead. This supplement will form the core of my future work, and I am already planning GURPS Fruit, Fruit: the Ripening, and of course, Fruithammer and Boldly Grow!.

Okay I'll stop, I promise. But! You can check out Fruits of the Spirit on my DriveThruRPG store here, it's Pay What You Want. Reviews (of this or anything else) extremely appreciated.

Tuesday, 9 March 2021

Conversions: Encarmine Berserker

As (very) long-time readers may know, I have a certain fondness for the wild and weird world of Warhammer and its various offshoots. Admittedly I haven't played tabletop for about 15 years, what with moving house, country and occasionally continent, and also discovering that I was far more into the narrative and individual characters than a murderous tactical wargame really supported (hence my slide into RPGs). But I still find myself coming back to the ideas.

In a recent Pathfinder campaign, by which of course I mean one I started three years ago and haven't got close to finishing, a player was interested in a Khorne Berserker barbarian and had put together a suggested archetype. We tried it out with some revisions, and I've continued to tinker with it ever since. The version presented below is several steps removed from that, but nonetheless the core credit goes to Will rather than me.

This is the second in this themed series; the first was the Wellspring of Change spellcaster archetype.

Encarmine Berserker (Barbarian Archetype)

It is the gravest of errors to coax an encarmine berserker into his full rage, for battle and destruction are more than a necessity to the servants of the Blood God; they are a holy sacrament. The ferocity of a barbarian is reinforced by descent into a religious frenzy, unleashing a barely-contained boiling tide of fury.

Leaping Axeman © 2016 Earl Geier, used with permission. All rights reserved

Blood is life. It drives the actions of the living, and carries the gifts and memories of distant ancestors into the present. The vibrancy of existence is embodied in blood: the racing of a heart overwhelmed with excitement or with fear; the flushing heat of rage and love; the deep slow pulse that torments silent ears in the weary throes of melancholy. Blood brings life to the newborn, and death to the wounded; in the wild hunt and the kitchen alike, it bridges the gap between living and dead. The Blood God goes by many names, and their worship takes many forms, from the frenzied ecstasy of emotion-drunk acolytes to the meditations of surgeon-priests preparing their tools. In the veins of lovers, the hearts of mourners or the trickling from dying lips - it matters not whence or where the blood flows, only that it does not flow unappreciated.

Most infamous, however, are those who join their religious fervour with martial inclinations. Warriors sworn to the Blood God may be ferocious protectors of those whose sacred blood might be spilled, or cruel assassins who relish their power over the lives of others. Tales of gore and slaughter abound, and indeed there are many acolytes who find euphoria in killing for its own sake, and in letting the land run red. Others serve the Blood God not merely in carnage, but in the meeting of life and death: the unrivalled thrill of a desperate battle with their lives on the line, savouring the life-giving blood to its utmost as their veins sing, and offering it as a willing sacrifice if their god so chooses.

Table: Encarmine Berserker

Level

Base Attack Bonus

Fort Save

Ref Save

Will Save

Special

1st

+1

+2

+0

+0

Ethos, scarlet rage, strength of arms, witch hate 2

2nd

+2

+3

+0

+0

Gruesome finale, rage power

3rd

+3

+3

+1

+1

 

4th

+4

+4

+1

+1

Wake of carnage

5th

+5

+4

+1

+1

Improved gruesome finale

6th

+6/+1

+5

+2

+2

Battle spirit guide, rage power, slayer’s intuition

7th

+7/+2

+5

+2

+2

Blood god’s wager, damage reduction 1/-

8th

+8/+3

+6

+2

+2

Rage power, witch hate 3

9th

+9/+4

+6

+3

+3

 

10th

+10/+5

+7

+3

+3

Damage reduction 2/-, rage power

11th

+11/+6/+1

+7

+3

+3

Greater rage

12th

+12/+7/+2

+8

+4

+4

Rage power, slayer’s intuition +1

13th

+13/+8/+3

+8

+4

+4

Damage reduction 3/-

14th

+14/+9/+4

+9

+4

+4

Indomitable will, rage power

15th

+15/+10/+5

+9

+5

+5

 

16th

+16/+11/+6/+1

+10

+5

+5

Damage reduction 4/-, rage power, witch hate 4

17th

+17/+12/+7/+2

+10

+5

+5

Tireless rage

18th

+18/+13/+8/+3

+11

+6

+6

Rage power, slayer’s intuition +2

19th

+19/+14/+9/+4

+11

+6

+6

Damage reduction 5/-

20th

+20/+15/+10/+5

+12

+6

+6

Mighty rage, rage power

Deity

An encarmine berserker must have the Blood God as his patron deity.

Ethos

An encarmine berserker may not retreat from a worthy fight, nor refuse a warrior’s death to any who demand it. An encarmine berserker can’t take levels of any class that grants spellcasting. These are considered a violation of his code of ethics, and he immediately loses the benefits of this archetype, reverting to a standard barbarian. He must atone for his transgressions (as the spell) in order to regain its benefits and any blessings of the Blood God.

Encarmine Weapons

For the purposes of this archetype, encarmine weapons include any non-light, non-finesseable melee weapons, as well as unarmed strikes and natural weapons. Abilities that allow you to treat a weapon as another type or benefit from abilities that apply to particular types of weapons (such as the Ascetic Style chain) don’t allow them to qualify as encarmine weapons.

BlaszczecArt Stock Art Barbarian 2 © Bartek Blaszczec, used with permission. All rights reserved

Witch Hate (Ex)

The followers of the Blood God are taught to despise and condemn the deceptive arts of magic. An encarmine berserker suffers a -2 morale penalty on all Bluff and Diplomacy checks against arcane and psychic casters, but gains a +2 morale bonus on Intimidate and Sense Motive checks against them. This modifier increases to 3 at 8th level and 4 at 16th level.

Strength of Arms (Ex)

If the encarmine berserker’s Intelligence score is less than 13, it counts as 13 for the purpose of meeting the prerequisites of combat feats. He can use Strength in place of Dexterity to qualify for combat feats that affect his attacks; if he does so, these benefits apply only while wielding encarmine weapons. For example, while wielding battleaxes, his Strength can be used to quality for Two-Weapon Fighting or Spring Attack, but not for Juke.

This ability replaces fast movement.

Scarlet Rage (Ex)

While raging, the encarmine berserker scorns self-defence. He suffers an additional -1 penalty to his AC and can’t fight defensively or use the total defence action. His attacks with encarmine weapons deal 1 point of bleed damage; this stacks with bleed from other sources and with itself. At 4th level, and every 4 levels thereafter, the bleed damage and the AC penalty increase by 1. He can’t choose to deal nonlethal damage while raging, even with a merciful weapon or equivalent ability.

A scarlet rage is intoxicating, and emerging from it requires a series of prayers and catechisms. The encarmine berserker must make a Will save as a free action to end his scarlet rage. He is then affected as though exhausted for 10 minutes, although he can overcome these effects by meditating for three consecutive full-round actions. If he fails the Will save, he must roll 1d4 on the frenzy table below and continue to expend rounds of rage. He may repeat this Will save if he deals damage to an ally, and on each of his subsequent turns. The DC is 10 + 1/2 level, with a + 2 penalty if there is a psychic caster within 30ft. or within the area of effect of an ongoing psychic effect.

If forced out of a scarlet rage, backlash sears the encarmine berserker’s mind, leaving him staggered for 1 round, as well as exhausted as above.

This ability modifies rage.

Scarlet Rage Frenzy Table

Even during a scarlet rage, an encarmine berserker has a measure of moral and intuitive constraint. He isn’t compelled to take any action that would contravene his alignment. A non-evil encarmine berserker won’t harm noncombatants, helpless or surrendered creatures as a result of his frenzy, though he may mistake an allied warrior for an enemy. He won’t destroy objects of obvious importance to himself or anyone he cares about, or any object that he has a reason to protect or revere (such as the target of a quest or any item associated with the Blood God).

d6 roll Behaviour
1 Perform a display of triumph as a full-round action.
2 Make a single attack against your latest victim, even if they are unconscious or dead.
3 As a move action, smash a solid object nearby to disperse pent-up energy (either as a Strength check or a Sunder combat manoeuvre).
4 Lash out violently, making a single melee attack at your highest base attack bonus, aimed at a random square within reach.
5 Daub yourself with the blood of a fallen enemy or worthy ally; you move if necessary, but don’t recklessly endanger yourself to do so.
6 Close your eyes and mutter or howl to the Blood God as the thrill of battle overwhelms you. You are considered blind for 1 round.

An encarmine berserker cannot select the calm stance or guarded stance rage powers.

Gruesome Finale (Su)

The Bloody-Handed One gifts his followers with the ability to sustain themselves through carnage. From 2nd level, once per round when the encarmine berserker makes a kill with an encarmine weapon while in his scarlet rage, he regains hit points up to half the target’s hit dice. This applies only if the target’s hit dice are equal to or higher than half the encarmine berserker’s level.

At 5th level, he instead regains hitpoints equal to the target’s full hit dice on making a kill.

This ability replaces uncanny dodge and improved uncanny dodge.

Wake of Carnage (Ex)

From 4th level, once per round when the encarmine berserker deals damage with a melee attack, he can make one additional melee attack against a different target as though using the Cleave feat. This bonus attack is a casual blow from a pommel, haft or backhand punch, and suffers a -5 penalty to hit (as though it were a secondary natural attack). It deals damage equal to a gauntlet of appropriate size, but does not count as a gauntlet or unarmed strike for other purposes.

This ability stacks with the additional attacks granted by the Cleave feat and its associated feats. This attack is not modified by feats which otherwise modify Cleave.

This ability replaces the rage power gained at 4th level.

Slayer’s Intuition (Ex)

At 6th level, the encarmine berserker uses his agility not to evade blows, but to throw himself upon a dodging foe. The encarmine berserker gains the benefits of the Anticipate Dodge feat while in a scarlet rage, but loses any dodge bonus he had. At 12th and 18th level, the maximum bonus from this ability increases by 1.

This ability replaces trap sense.

Battle Spirit Guide (Su)

The Blood God often sends his disciples a spirit guide in the form of a totem; these savage totems goad his bearers into ever-greater feats of bloodlust. At 6th level, the encarmine berserker selects a totem from Beast, Chaos, Cult, Daemon and Fiend. Once per day while raging, he can exchange any rage power he has for the lesser totem power of that totem; the exchange persists until he rests and recovers rage. At 10th level he can exchange a second rage power to gain the totem power, and at 14th level he can exchange a third rage power to gain the greater totem power.

Blood God’s Wager (Ex)

The followers of the Blood God pride themselves on shrugging off crippling wounds, yet the price of the challenge is keenly felt after each battle. At 7th level, the encarmine berserker gains a pool of glory dice (d4) equal to his class level. Whenever he resists damage through his damage reduction class feature during scarlet rage, he may roll one die and add this to the amount of damage resisted.  However, when his scarlet rage ends, he must roll all the glory dice expended in the scarlet rage and suffer damage equal to the total; this damage cannot be reduced or redirected in any way.

His glory dice recharge when he rests and regains his rounds of scarlet rage.

This ability modifies damage reduction.

Feats

Blood God’s Scorn

You despite magic, and in resisting it you earn your deity’s favour.

Prerequisite(s): Worshipper of the Blood God

Benefit(s): Whenever you pass the initial saving throw against a spell or spell-like ability, you gain temporary hit points equal to 5 + the level of the spell. These hit points last for up to one hour.

Blood God’s Contempt

You resist magical assaults with every fibre of your being, whatever the cost in pain

Prerequisite(s): Worshipper of the Blood God, Blood God’s Scorn

Benefit(s): When you fail a saving throw against a spell or spell-like ability, as an immediate action you can sacrifice hit points equal to twice the effect’s caster level to reroll the save.  This damage cannot be resisted or otherwise negated.

Blood God’s Triumph

Nothing brings you greater satisfaction than striking down enemy mages

Prerequisite(s): Worshipper of the Blood God, Blood God’s Contempt

Benefit(s): Whenever you reduce an enemy spellcaster to 0 or fewer hit points, you gain a +2 sacred bonus to damage rolls and AC.  This bonus lasts for one minute.  If you have the Dazzling Display feat, you can use it as an immediate action whenever you trigger this feat’s benefit.

Gifts of the Blood God

Whenever they would gain a rage power, an encarmine berserker can instead choose to gain one of the following blessings.

Mind Needles

You gain Cranial Implantation as a bonus feat, and can use it a number of times per day equal to your witch hate bonus. You can’t use your own needles to enhance spells, but during a scarlet rage, the device helps you shrug off mental control, granting a +1 bonus to saving throws against charm, compulsion and pain effects. The bonus increases by +1 at 5th level and every 5 levels thereafter. Whenever an arcane or psychic spell is used within 15 feet of you, you suffer nonlethal damage equal to twice the spell’s level, unless it would cause you to fall unconscious.

Blessing of Slaughter

Despite his loathing of magic, the Blood God will still bestow benefits upon his disciples’ weapons. When you score a critical hit with an encarmine weapon during scarlet rage, your weapon gains one of the following enhancements of your choice, in addition to any existing abilities: cruel, courageous, dispelling, distracting, flaming, heartseeker, keen, mighty cleaving, ominous, thundering, vicious.  This enhancement only functions while in scarlet rage and disappears once the scarlet rage ends. You must be at least a 4th-level barbarian to select this gift.

Call of Glory

Your religious fervour calls you to ever-greater heights in the service of the Blood God. Your glory dice increase by 1 die size (d4, d6, d8, d10, d12). You can select this power once at 8th level and one additional time for every 4 barbarian levels after 8th.

Acolyte of Sharks

The brutality of feeding frenzies inspires you to aquatic ferocity. You gain a +4 bonus on Swim checks while raging. If you have a swim speed or the raging swimmer rage power, whenever you succeed on a Swim check to fight underwater, your damage with encarmine weapons isn’t reduced (though you take attack penalties as normal). You count as having both Improved Unarmed Strike and the aquatic subtype for the purpose of qualifying for the Blood Frenzy Style feat and its dependent feats, and while using Blood Frenzy Style, your unarmed strikes are considered encarmine weapons for the purpose of class features dependent on using encarmine weapons.


Leaping Axeman © 2016 Earl Geier, used with permission. All rights reserved

BlaszczecArt Stock Art Barbarian 2 © Bartek Blaszczec, used with permission. All rights reserved

Thursday, 18 February 2021

Friday, 12 February 2021

Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 17

There is no beginning; no end; only podcast.

Pathfinder Adventure Path: Hell's Rebels Part 1 - In Hell's Bright ...

We continue our suboptimal attempts to evict - with extreme prejudice - interlopers* in our beloved home** bent on depriving us of (in no particular order) life, liberty and our worldly wealth***. Tragedy strikes in our midst. The DM accidentally foreshadows next session's calamities.

*yes, yes, technically "duly appointed representatives of the law"

**illicit secret insurgent headquarters

***numerous crates of abandoned contraband and about eighty percent of a smoked alligator

Part seventeen of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 017: NOW she's a ghost.

Direct Links

  1. RSS feed for all episodes
  2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
  3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
  4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
  5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
  6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
  7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
  8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
  9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
  10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
  11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
  12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
  13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player
  14. Episode 013: Ego Shattered!
  15. Episode 014: Whipping up an alligator stew
  16. Episode 015: Sewer brings back bad memories
  17. Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it
  18. Episode 017: NOW she's a ghost

Tuesday, 9 February 2021

Hell's Rebels delay

Hello folks, just a quick one to say that there is still plenty of campaign to go, I've just been ill and haven't had time to edit podcasts recently. I'll get something out when I can.

Thursday, 28 January 2021

Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 16

For loyal podcast listeners, hoorah! Another episode!

This episode begins with my apology for losing half of the previous session, and a brief summary of our fairy-mangling exploits. Due to being dim, I managed to download the same recording twice and fail to record the second one at all... sorry.

Pathfinder Adventure Path: Hell's Rebels Part 1 - In Hell's Bright ...

In which we do a remarkably poor job of keeping our secret rebel base secret, in the face of terrifying rolls from the GM. Violence is the last resort of the, uh, people who roll badly, I suppose.

Part sixteen of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at

  • Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it.

    Direct Links

    1. RSS feed for all episodes
    2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
    3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
    4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
    5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
    6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
    7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
    8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
    9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
    10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
    11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
    12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
    13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player
    14. Episode 013: Ego Shattered!
    15. Episode 014: Whipping up an alligator stew
    16. Episode 015: Sewer brings back bad memories
    17. Episode 016: Chaos is one way of describing it
  • Tuesday, 8 December 2020

    Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 12

    For loyal podcast listeners, hoorah! Another episode!

    For loyal readers, sorry, I haven't had much time or inspiration for posts recently. I do have some ideas on the back burner, but work and general Life Stuff isn't exactly leisurely these last few months.

    Pathfinder Adventure Path: Hell's Rebels Part 1 - In Hell's Bright ...

    In which we feign artistic differences and our distraction is counter-distracted. If this rebellion business doesn't work out, though, I have a fallback plan now.

    Part twelve of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 012: I think we found our bass player.

    Direct Links

    1. RSS feed for all episodes
    2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
    3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
    4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
    5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
    6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
    7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
    8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
    9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
    10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
    11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
    12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence
    13. Episode 012: I think we found our bass player

    Tuesday, 1 December 2020

    Podcast: Hell's Rebels, part 11

    After feedback from a kind listener (thanks Roger, we love you) I've gone back and redone the audio for episodes 5-10 to get a better balance of volume for people's voices. Hopefully they'll all be clearer in future. Feedback is great, please leave comments!

    Pathfinder Adventure Path: Hell's Rebels Part 1 - In Hell's Bright ...

    In which our GM appears to be underwater and/or possessed but it's just the audio, he assures us. We embark on a chase, resulting in an increasingly elaborate series of lies and impersonations in an attempt to extricate ourselves from the previous lies and impersonations. The words "I'm going to have to ask you to make another Bluff check feature prominently.

    Part eleven of the campaign is now up on Archive.org at Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence.

    Direct Links

    1. RSS feed for all episodes
    2. Episode 001: Number My Thugs
    3. Episode 002: Technically She's Goop
    4. Episode 003: The Mediaeval Equivalent of a Zimmer Frame
    5. Episode 004: Personal Snot Monster
    6. Episode 005: By our powers combined
    7. Episode 006: There is honour amongst, ah... normal civilians
    8. Episode 007: You have it on good medical advice not to lick the ground
    9. Episode 008: Mmm, blobs of quivering flesh - my favourite
    10. Episode 009: A lot of papier-mâché
    11. Episode 010: Kamikaze ferrets and commando weasels
    12. Episode 011: It's such a horrible coincidence